Hi I’m Chell and this is Jackass *opens a portal on the moon*

(Source: sarmisarn, via thatonewannabechef)


Aperture Science

Portal 2 [is] a darkly humorous science fiction … what? Story? Puzzle? Game? ‘Experience’ seems like the best word to use, even though typing that makes me feel like shoving my fist in my mouth to punch my brain from an unexpected angle. The game mechanics of Portal 2 are almost impossible to describe without diagrams, but I’ll try: you wander around a 3D environment trying to escape a series of rooms by firing magic holes on to the walls or floor; holes you can walk or fall through. So if I fire a hole on to the ceiling, and another on to the ground, I can jump through the ground and re-appear falling through the ceiling. This simple dynamic provides the basis for a series of fiendishly clever puzzles you find yourself working through – all of it tied into a humorous narrative that unfolds with more confidence, charm and sophistication than was strictly necessary. And before you whine about the solitary nature of games, it also includes a cooperative two-player mode in which you and a friend play through a parallel game together. The whole thing is stunningly clever and immensely enjoyable. …

Portal 2 is essentially a demented series of puzzles – like being stuck inside a physics-based logic problem designed by the Python team.” - Charlie Brooker

(via thatonewannabechef)


The Portal Two (Portal 2 Cocktails)

Blue Curacao
Small tumblers

Directions: “This drink is, of course, designed to resemble the two coloured portals from the excellent sci-fi puzzle game. For the blue version, get a small tumbler and pour in 10ml of Blue Curacao, 10ml of vodka and top up with lemonade. For orange you’ll need another tumbler, this time filled with 10ml of Cointreau, 10ml of rum and Orangina. If you fancy, you can jazz the glasses up with coloured sugar rims. Simply pour some sugar into a sandwich bag with the relevant food colouring, shake them up, pour the resulting mix into a dish and dip your tumbler in. “You can mix the portals together if you like,” says James. “It’s a very orangey flavour, which we thought tied in with The Orange Box, the compilation in which the original Portal appeared.”

The finest beverage breakthroughs from the Aperture alcohol research labs. Drink them in the name of science. You monster.

Drink created by James Dance of Loading for an article in The Guardian. Check out the article for the rest of the drinks and check out Loading for a great gaming bar and cafe.

(via thatonewannabechef)

I want to give one of these to K but she hasn’t played Portal…

(Source: jenovaii, via thatonewannabechef)


Portal - The Cake is a Lie Recipe

For my first attempt at Gourmet Gaming I thought I’d start with possibly the most famous case of food in a video game - so it’s obviously the cake from Portal. I’m well aware of the in-game recipe which includes fish shaped garnishes and industrial by-products (and perhaps I will attempt this more faithful, if insane, recipe at some point) but I wanted to create something from scratch , something that didn’t involve getting your cake from a box; this is Gourmet Gaming after all. 

My Portal Cake is a devils food cake with a vanilla cream cheese filling, smothered in a chocolate ganache. It’s incredibly rich and moist and perfect for anyone who loves chocolate. It’s also (thankfully) surprisingly easy to make!

What you will need:

Two 8 inch cake pans, Baking paper, Icing bag/pipe

For the Cake:

100g High Quality (70-85%) Unsweetened Cocoa Powder

180g Plain White Flour

½ Teaspoon Salt

1 Teaspoon Baking Soda

¼ Teaspoon Baking Powder

120g Butter

330g Caster Sugar

Vanilla Extract

2 Large Eggs (at room temperature)

125ml Coffee

125ml Milk

For the Filling:

100g Cream Cheese

50g Butter

100g of Icing Sugar (You may want to add more or less depending on how sweet you like it)

½ Teaspoon of Vanilla Extract

For the Ganache:

200g High Quality (70-85%) Dark Chocolate

125ml Double Cream

100g Butter

For the Garnish:

50g of High Quality (70-85%) Chocolate Grated

8 Maraschino Cherries

1 Birthday Candle

Baking the Cake:

  1. Preheat the oven to 175C (350F) and adjust the racks to create a baking space in the middle.
  2. Butter and line the base of your cake pans with baking paper.
  3. Sift together the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda and salt into a bowl.
  4. In a separate large bowl (or a food mixer) beat together the sugar and butter until it is smooth, creamy and pale. Add the eggs one and a time until everything is mixed together evenly. Add a few drops of vanilla extract.
  5. Mix the coffee and milk together (make sure it is cool). Add half of the dry ingredients along with the milky coffee to the butter mixture, mix then add the rest of the dry ingredients and stir gently.
  6. Separate the mixture in half between your two preprepared cake pans. Bake them in the middle of the oven for 25 minutes. Until when a skewer inserted into the middle it comes out almost clean. (If it is entirely clean it will have baked for too long and may end up slightly dry!)
  7. Once cooked remove from the oven and allow to cool before removing from the pans. They should be cooled completely before you attempt to frost them.   

Making the Filling:

  1. Mix together the cream cheese and butter until creamy. 
  2. Add a few drops of vanilla to taste and gradually add the icing sugar whlie mixing. Add more or less sugar depending on how sweet you like your frosting.
  3. Separate enough of the mixture to pipe the 8 white “drop flowers” on top of the cake.

Making the Ganache:

  1. Chop the chocolate into very small pieces into a medium bowl.
  2. Slowly heat the cream and butter in a separate bowl set over a pan with water in it, making sure the bowl isn’t touching the water. Be careful not to boil the mixture.
  3. Once thoroughly heated, remove from the heat and pour the cream and butter over the chocolate and stir gently until it is smooth.
  4. Leave the Ganache to cool gradually at room temperature, this may take up to an hour. Do not let it cool completely as it will become impossible to spread.

Preparing the Cake:

  1. Once your cake layers have cooled you may want to carefully even them out with a knife if there are any lumps and bumps. 
  2. Turn one of them upside down so that the flat side is facing upward. This will be the top layer of the cake.
  3. On top of the bottom layer spread some of vanilla frosting liberally, being careful not to go to over the edges (Don’t forget to leave some for the top garnish!).
  4. Place the second cake layer, the one you turned upside down, on top of the iced one and cover the top and sides of your cake with the chocolate ganache.
  5. Apply the 50g of grated chocolate evenly to the top and sides of the cake.
  6. Fill your icing bag or funnel with the vanilla frosting you set aside earlier and use a medium sized nozzle. Imagining the top of your cake as a clock, squeeze out small amounts of icing at the 12 and 6 positions, then the 3 and 9 and once more between each of the 4 points so that you end up with 8 “drop flower” decorations. 
  7. Place a maraschino cherry on top of each white frosting detail.
  8. Place the birthday candle in the middle of the cake and light.

Gourmet Gaming - Portal The Cake is a Lie

I’ll be completely honest about my experience baking this cake and sadly my frosting and ganache failed to come together on three attempts due to the soya based products I had to use. I’m lactose intolerant and part of the challenge in my baking/cooking is creating recipes so I can eat them too. I’ve been doing this for 4 years since I discovered I could no longer eat dairy. My recipes will always be available in dairy free (and often vegan friendly) form unless otherwise stated. Thankfully I had some back-up canned frosting so I could finish my cake and there is no shame is using these; they are often dairy and egg free for extended shelf life purposes. However the frosting and ganache recipes I’ve provided will work perfectly with proper dairy based ingredients.

(via thatonewannabechef)

Still Alive (Portal): Floppy disk drive edition

(Source: geeksaresexy.net)

Still Alive - Jonathan Coulton



I don’t blame you

A robotic sentry turret from Portal — in gourd form.

Instructions here.

(via oobze)



Portal chalk


Portal Test Chamber Icons - by Eric Stover

(via pulsarsanddyingstars)

Hand crafted, mountain dew scented, Weighted Companion Cube soap.

Cue geekgasm.

(via cohenstr)